The Healing Journey

I continue to do this with every reaction I have. And why I continue to say I am a work in progress. I wanted to make sure that this cycle of abuse, these abusive relationships, stopped once and for all.

And so I set about finding the best way to do that.
I used a counsellor who helped me sort out what happened. I liken this to a shape-sorter, the child's toy. It helped me put things in perspective. It helped me see things. One of my counsellors stopped me and said, the person you described when we first met isn't the person you're telling me about now.

This statement stopped me in my tracks. And I said, what do you mean? He continued, the person you're describing to me now isn't the perfect person you first told me about.

I later realised I had been protecting my ex, my relationship, and the decisions I had made. This information was stored somewhere for me, waiting for me to be in a position to utilise it. It later helped me create WoundTalking© as it made me realise that we can only have honest conversations with ourselves.

I went into counselling expecting to be judged.

I do believe counselling has a place, but it doesn't heal the emotional wounds.
It doesn't do the deep inner healing I believe that we need to do following these relationships.

I believe these relationships are a nudge from the universe. It's like somebody's shaking you or saying something to shock you. You spiral down on occasions you go through loops.

I have found different ways to test how far you've come. And realise the healing that's taking place. You heal naturally. If you cut yourself, you would go to a doctor to get it sewn up unless it was a deep wound. You keep it clean and put a plaster on it, and your body will naturally heal.

But we don't do anything about emotional wounds.

Perhaps you have never been able to talk about what happened or even acknowledge that something was painful.

Counselling allows you to talk, but it keeps that wound open, so it isn't being given the chance to heal.

Would you leave a splinter in your finger?

And this is the work that I do. It's deep but not painful; however, it is life-changing.

When my counsellor said to me, well, this isn't a person that you first came in describing. This isn't a nice person, the person you were telling me about, it stuck with me. I also recalled other statements I had heard on my journey that helped me realise how to work with these wounds on such a deep level.

I don't disagree with counselling. I've done it a few times myself. I think it's helpful. But what counselling doesn't do is take away the wounding. Much like a physical wound, these emotional wounds lodge in the body. And some of that wounding is deep. It can also go on for a very long time.

And it's expensive. If you go into counselling or talking therapies, you can be in there for years.
What I wanted to do was bypass all of that so that I could help people detraumatise and remove the wound. Once the wound is removed, you can use these tools to learn to become your best friend, your therapist, and your family.

There's a lot of shame that comes with these relationships. You might be asking why this happened to me. One of the first things I did was ask what's the lesson in this?

The goal, I believe, is to repair our self-esteem. The ultimate goal is to live authentically.

And if we go back to the first seven to eight years of our life, we learnt our role in the family unit. It might not be an equal role. One parent might favour a child over another. One parent might pit their children against the other parent, getting them to take sides. Children can be used as weapons to hurt each other.
This environment is where the empath is born, walking on eggshells; children learn to finely attune to the changes in the atmosphere, to read energy, and to feel for the changes in the vibration. They can walk into a room and read it through how it makes them feel.
They learn not to trigger a parent. They know that one of their parents is in a bad mood. They know something has happened. Their energy is reading the vibration.

I believe these relationships help heal these deep wounds.

If you were in a session with me, we would locate and remove the emotional wounds; we talk to the inner child, and then you become the person they needed in that moment.

This work is transformative and life-changing. Along with it, I offer you a tool to manage any additional wounds that may come up, empowering you to handle them yourself.

And this is why I do the work with honest conversations. Talking to the wounds is so powerful.

Being able to check in with your body, find the wound, talk to it and find out what it needs. It might need something, and that's the only way to communicate with you.

It's ready to heal.
It's ready to work with you.
It wants to be released.
It's like a bubble that's popped up to the surface and wants to pop.

This is why I believe you experienced this pain; these relationships guide you to heal on a deeper level.

And you are being given this unique opportunity to break the chains and say it stops here with me, healing any ancestral wounds.

These relationships are an echo of your past. They reflect the experiences you had as a child. You might find it hard to walk away because you see similar wounds in that person or because the relationship mirrors what you have experienced before.

Or perhaps you had a parent who was wounded. You weren't able to save or protect them. And that traps you. Constantly trying to heal the person you're in a relationship with that doesn't want to heal.

You may have experienced low self-esteem before the relationship. This time it is about building these emotional muscles and having the courage to say this is me. This is what I do; this is who I am.

It's the energy of how things make you feel, where you will find your authentic self. Your soul is saying I want to do this; I want to live like this, I want to be free. And once you have the confidence to make tiny changes, it gives you the confidence to implement more.

When you heal these wounds, things change. But it doesn't always happen straight away. And you might feel like you go up and down like you're on a roller coaster.

I believe it is healthy to look back.
You can see how far you've come.
You remember the time you spent in rumination.
Recall the time you would lose to believing this is your fault, wanting to be back in the relationship, and questioning what you did wrong, replaying the relationship thinking, if I'd only done this, I wouldn't be in this place.

I had lost a huge chunk of time in rumination, huge. Suddenly, I found the key to this for me was grounding and breathing and honest conversations. Those were the three things that kept me out of rumination. I would also write out a timeline. And I would take myself out of the room where I'd spiralled and write.

I could see the patterns from existing relationships that I'd heard about. And that helped me realise that this wasn't all my fault.

I took responsibility for the part that was.
I wanted to heal the person I'd become.
I wanted to heal the person I was ashamed of.
I wanted to heal the person that had been betrayed.
I wanted to heal the shame that I felt.

And then I realised I didn't stay in rumination as long.
Where previously it could be four or five days, I reduced it to hours.
I can clear this now in minutes.

And then the realisation came that he wasn't in my waking thoughts. That got longer; three or four days would pass. Then, a week.

So, looking back, you can see these markers.
And if you do hit a wall, when you drop into that hole a lot further than you thought you were, just look at how quickly you climb back out because you're learning every day how to deal with this, and you're healing from this trauma.

The deep transformation comes from healing the wounds, having those honest conversations and listening to your body when it wants to talk to you.