Based on your answers you have a trauma bond making it impossible for you move on with your life.

When you come out of a toxic relationship, you have many things going on in your body and mind. Most of which you are unaware of, and why would you be? You are trying to understand what happened and how you went from being soul mates to being kicked to the curb.

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Your emotions are out of control!

You might be turning into the crazy ex they told you about from previous relationships, and then (OH, it gets better), when you realise who and what they are, you want to tell everyone! 

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TRAUMA BONDING is one of the reasons it is so hard to heal from Toxic and Emotionally Abusive relationships. The damage caused puts you in a state of confusion. You had no idea the abuse was taking place.

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When your safety was threatened, through their bad behaviour, you turned to them for help and protection. You rationalised their behaviour, believing they cared about you, this created further bonding, which was why you felt so connected to them. 

Your stress levels are so high you are living in fear, and you can't imagine your life without them!

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Much like a physical wound, this emotional wound hurts. 

 

By tracking down these wounds and allowing them to heal, you can start to feel whole again. You can break the cycle (but please remember, if you have been walking around with these wounds for decades, it might not happen within hours. You have learnt behaviours to protect yourself from further hurt, so not only might there be a few to deal with, but you might need to work on changing your thoughts as well).  

 

They may keep you in suspension, sitting around waiting for them to return. They may try attempts at hoovering you back into the relationship.

They may want to put conditions in place before they return. 

 

You might be waiting for them to come back, as they have done during the cycle of abuse, which was the blueprint used to trap you because they have discarded you so many times before, but this time it feels different. You feel abandoned and very alone. 

 

These wounds are keeping you trapped, not allowing you to move on.

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This pain is real! 

And if you are not careful, the chains and the rumination can turn you crazy!

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We create bonds with loved ones, caregivers, people we trust. But these bonds, were created through trauma, a manufactured situation that forced you into a position where you would turn to them, when your safety was threatened.

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These relationships are intense and designed that way, not giving you time to think, not allowing you time to acknowledge your gut feelings and writing off the red flags. 

 

The abuser sprinkled just enough of your hopes and dreams into the future they created, you to believe it is jointly yours. They intently listened to what you wanted in a partner and created that persona. When you ran out of supply (attention) or money and something or someone better came along, they moved on. 

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Now, you are left picking up the pieces, wondering what happened and who they really were. 

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There is a part of you who knows the abuse that took place. But your brain was hijacked. When you question something, they gaslight you; you had got it wrong, and they didn't mean what you thought they meant, or they were only joking, and you were too sensitive. 

 

Each time a thought about their behaviour pops up, a memory comes forward to contradict the abuse. You can't trust your own judgement. 

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You might be sitting by your phone waiting to jump to their rescue. 

You might be watching them on social media.

You might be driving by where they now live to see what they are doing.

You might have put your life on hold; you did that the moment you met them! 

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The ultimate goal is Emotional Divorce. 

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This isn't something they want you to do. They will still want control over you, reaching out to you, not to check in on you and make sure you are OK but to check you are still there waiting for them! 

They want to hear your pain. The more you cry or beg, the better for them. This is emotional nourishment for them, a little snack to keep them going until they get the attention from their new supply. 

Only you will know how secure the trauma bond is in place. You might have severed a few threads, but if you are still watching them or waiting for them to reach out, you still have some healing to do. 

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All I ask is that you are honest now with yourself!

How do I know this? Because this happened to me. It was my story! 

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I was broke and broken, watching, waiting and pretending I was OK, but I wasn't! 

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You ave seen that person who falls over, and you watch them jump up saying, "I'm fine, I'm fine". They hobble off, and you think that had to hurt. That was me! 

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I lived my wonderful life through social media. No one heard about the awful stuff happening behind closed doors.

There were lots of holidays, fun stuff, and meals out, but the reality was that I was running out of energy and money. The day I told him I had just £71.00 left of £32,000K, I felt him withdraw, and he was gone within weeks.

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I understand the pain. Mine might have been for a different reason, but this is like a physical injury, as well as an emotional one!